Part 4

Today I have enjoyed being quiet and nothing. Yesterday ended badly despite having been wonderful for the first half, so I went downstairs around midnight to watch A Room With a View and doze on the couch before coming back upstairs to sleep.
Today I was very tired and got up late, sat at the computer for a long time, and wrote Zoe an email. Then I showered and began to feel very sweet and clean, but still not happy. Cleaned bathroom. Cleaned kitchen. Came back to computer.

Listened to Smetana's Ma Vlast while I cleaned the kitchen. Nobody was home so I had everything queit and peaceful and didn't have to make a noise or say a word for hours. I felt exquisite, but still not happy. My clothes were all freshly laundered and the cotton shirt stood away from my skin lightly and smelled (smells) like detergent in a faint, nice way. Completely clean, and cleaning things, and listening to that beautiful music. Several times today I have felt like I will cry over something, anything. The music was the main thing. The music is beautiful.